WEATHER FORECAST

A polar bear went to the ninth circle of hell to talk frozen Satan's ear off about their tropical vacation to Neptune. Desperate to appear cool, Lucifer forced a "sign of the horns" hand gesture but his fingers froze and broke into 666 ice cubes. A shivering Lou Reed scooped them up to place in a sippy cup of bourbon.  
Expect cool winds, subway delays, no feeling in your feet, a strong drink, and a hot pizza.