A few things cooler than my air conditioner right now:

The Windows 95 Launch Party
Smash Mouth
Grape Nuts cereal
Hagar era Van Halen
A white guy dressed like a pimp for Halloween
Yahoo news
The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
Carrot Top
A box of raisins
Precious Moments collectibles
Marilyn Monroe quotes
Billy Corgan
Buzzfeed listicles
The term "listices"
Bottle service