People always ask, "AUTOMNE, you are 129 years old but don't look a day over 33. WHAT IS YOUR SECRET?" To which I reply, "BLOOD." But in all seriousness, it's the DORiAN GRAYPHONE 8 that gives me my youthful glow. With each passing dramatic life event, crushing disappointment, and failed relationship, the DORiAN GRAYPHONE 8 wears my scars for me. Ohhh, are you a bill collector trying to reach me? Sawwwrrrryy. My phone hasn't had a ringtone in months. Are you a hurt friend wondering why I haven't replied to your text? I didn't get it. The DORiAN GRAYPHONE 8 picks and chooses what it wants me to see based on a random lottery that takes place on Mercury. Are you a bitter manchild in desperate need to tell me all about my glaring personality defects? I'm SO sorry but I can't read a word of what you said between all these cracks on the screen. I'm going to have to assume you must be singing my praises. Am I late? Am I early? Did I come at a bad time in your life? You won't find me crying in the shower over that stuff because the DORiAN GRAYPHONE 8 doesn't even tell time! IT'S AMAZING!!!!